Stronger Families - Communication and Intimacy: Part One

Jeff Thomas, ND, Northwest Wellness Center • June 1, 2018

An integral piece of facilitating a sense of wellness and health can be found in cultivating a healthy connection to intimacy and communication through parenting. As a primary care physician, I focus on the promotion of harmony within the family dynamic. In order to accomplish this effectively, it requires drawing attention to areas that are often out of balance between the parents. After years of clinical practice, study, and application, here are a few insights I’ve observed working with families.

There are three general types of communication.

1. Day-to-day
Aim to start your day with an attitude of gratitude. To establish a reliable and consistent practice that encourages this mindset, I recommend a loving kindness meditation. This is the practice of softening of the mind and heart; developing deeper capacity for kindness and love. Visit contemplativemind.org/practices/tree/loving-kindness for specific steps you can take.

2. Conflict Resolution (Non-violent communication)
Critical for navigating disagreements in a way that promotes connection, understanding and resolution. The ingredients for non-violent communication are: observations, feelings, needs and requests. When we are able to articulate our perceived reality objectively, without using judgment, we then say how this observation makes us feel without assigning blame.

Typically, there is also a need that is not being met, whether it be unspoken or not as important. When we put a voice to our unmet meets, we are able to better help our partner understand why we are feeling the way we are. From there, we make a clear request from ourselves or our partner, that can help to meet our needs. For more information on non-violent communication, visit: nonviolentcommunication.com/pdf_files/key_facts_nvc.pdf.

3. Intimacy (Transparency + Access)
If you are not familiar with the Five Love Languages, I cannot recommend this resource enough. Sometimes what we perceive to be an absence of love and compassion is simply the expression of it in a way we are not able to receive or are familiar with. When we identify how we express our love for another, and how we would like to receive it from our partner, this clears up any confusion as to how our partner’s aim to connect and express themselves to us. Understanding you and your partner’s languages is a process, but in short, the Five Love Languages are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. Visit youth-portal.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/the-5-lovelanguages-the-secret-to-love-that-lasts.pdf for detailed information.

In an effort to further expand on the many aspects of conscious, heart-centered connection, I will be continuing to unpack this subject in two more articles. Stay tuned, there is more to come on typical reasons why parents struggle to communicate effectively and common obstacles for successful intimacy. If you and your partner would like to fan the flame of your connection and begin infusing your life with a richness and abundance of connection, respect, and affection, consider connecting with a variety of healthcare professionals, including relationship counselors, a personal therapist you can talk to you on your own, and a naturopathic physician. Together, your healthcare team will help to create a solid foundation from which you can develop a heart-centered connection from a place of health and well-being.

Typical reasons why parents struggle to effectively communicate:
• Poor stress management techniques.
• Inability to listen attentively without simply waiting to respond.
• Struggle to overcome personal issues with fear/shame/guilt/pain/grief
• Fatigue
• History of unresolved trauma from childhood or earlier in life

Common obstacles for successful intimacy:
• Discomfort with vulnerability
• Environment doesn’t feel safe
• Hormonal imbalances
• Overwhelmed by household responsibilities
• Don’t take time to connect with partner. When was the last time you made time to take your partner/spouse on a date?
• Don’t make time to reinforce friendship.
• Unpredictable sleep schedule of children. Especially sick and/or teething children.

Dr. Jeff Thomas graduated Bastyr University as a naturopathic physician in 2013. His clinical rotations included working with various providers including clinical dietitians, medical doctors, naturopathic oncologists, chiropractors and naturopathic physicians. In addition to seeing patients, he lectures nationwide about the latest trends in disease assessment and nutritional approaches. He practices in Federal Way at Northwest Wellness Center, learn more at MyNWWellness.com.

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